First Date Conversations – How To Keep It Flowing

"First Date Conversations – How To Keep It Flowing"



A lot of people are shy about meeting new people. Add to this the normal discomfort that people feel on their first dates and it’s easy to see why keeping the conversation flowing on your first date can be a real challenge. Here’s a few pointers to help with this:

1.) Focus and remember. At the beginning when she’s talking about some general things about herself such as her interests, likes, dislikes, etc, you need to focus on and remember anything said that was unusual or that she had strong feelings about.

Also remember anything that you are genuinely curious about. These bits of information will give you topics that you can ask her to expound upon. You can say “How do you feel about that?” or “what’s the story behind that?”

Her replies to your questions will give you still more information that can be used to extend the conversation further. You should have quickly built up a list of topics that you can bring up at a later time should conversation stall out. If an awkward silence occurs you can quickly say “earlier you mentioned this, how did that happen?”. You don’t want to base 100% of your conversation on this technique because you will seem like an interrogator. Where ever appropriate, you should relate to what she’s said with your own experiences.

2.) Ask open ended questions. The way in which you ask questions is important in establishing effective communication. Effective questions open up the door to understanding who she really is. The art of questioning has to do with knowing which questions to ask when.

I personally like “how” and “why” questions since these get long answers full of personal detail that allow me form a good picture of what she’s about. The more I know about her, the better I can relate to her. She will feel that you’re interested in what she has to say which will encourage her to develop her answers more. Most people find it easiest to talk about themselves.

3.) Listen and listen some more. Try to avoid being the typical man by not losing interest and not steering the conversation back to your favorite topics. Let her talk about her favorite subjects whether they’re about her family, feelings, relationships, friends, or her work. Also be careful about not getting into debates. Allow her to have her own points of view even if they’re different from your own. There’s no need to try to bring her over to your way of seeing things. Allowing her to have her own points of view doesn’t mean that you’re abandoning your own.

4.) Be aware that men and women like to talk about different sorts of things. Men like to talk about things and facts such as cars, engine specs, sports teams and stats, stock figures etc. Women are different. They love talking about feelings and emotions. How a special meal got them all giddy with ecstasy, how their shopping expeditions drain away their deepest problems, how their favorite dress takes them to seventh heaven. Try to avoid fact and thing based talk. Pick topics that are emotionally charged and ask her how she relates to them.