BEING IN LOVE VS WEDDING RINGS

BEING IN LOVE VS WEDDING RINGS

Being in love is more like wedding rings in terms of assurance and commitment. A wedding ring is also a form of assurance except that it comes with different conditions.

A wedding ring symbolizes a start of a family. So basically you are assuring each other that you are starting a family together. A wedding ring has also a time limit: death.

As the saying goes: ‘til death do us apart’. So for a marriage to work, it needs both assurances: ‘being in love’ and ‘wedding ring’. Some cultures don’t wear wedding rings on their finger but they do have things similar to a wedding ring and that plays the same role of a wedding ring.

A marriage cannot work without the couple being in love. A marriage built on false love is doomed to fail. Being in love gives the guarantee that you will be nice to your partner and the wedding ring gives a guarantee to your partner that you will start a family together. Starting a family together doesn’t necessarily mean raising children. You can raise dogs, cats etc together. Starting a family simply means turning your house into a home.

Now, there are a lot of people who are married but not in love. Marriage has taken a whole new level nowadays. People marry not for all the right reasons. To some, it is financial security, to other’s it is to be accepted in society and to others it is a cliché and some marry because they just don’t have anything better to do.

There are still a lot of people who marry for the right reasons and are in love with each other. People who marry, and are not in love and later have kids, end up raising kids with psychological problems. These kids end up growing to be serial killers, rapists, armed robbers etc. Hate begets hate. A tree of love produces fruits of love.

If you plant a mango tree, a mango tree will grow. If you raise a loving kid, a loving kid will grow. If you raise a kid in a house without love, a man with hatred will be produced.

Parents nowadays tell their kids to stand up for themselves and not to listen to anyone. Thus the kids block themselves from the words of wisdom because they are told from an early age not to listen to anyone.

School kids won’t even listen to their teachers. Parents won’t even give their kids advice on how to be a good citizen. They won’t bother to raise their kids to be respectable people in society. They have given up their parental role to the media, TV stations and radio stations.

When parents are forsaking their parental roles, they are no longer raising children but killers.

This will soon be a world of killers unless parents wake up and start doing their job of raising better, respectable, smart kids.

In order to do so, you need to raise kids in a loving environment, in a home full of love and not hate, in a marriage based on being in love.

ABUSES OF BEING IN LOVE

ABUSES OF BEING IN LOVE

1, Infatuation – This is where you so much want to be in love, that when you are with someone you mistake anything they do for you as they are being in love with you. There is a very fine line between being in love and being infatuated. Being in love is an action thing. You are assured all the time that someone loves you from what they do. Even when they do something wrong, they make it up to you and don’t continue doing it. Infatuation is in the head. Your belief of being in love outweighs anything bad that the person might do to you. And the small nice things the person does once in a while assures your mind that you are right. You assume that you are really in love even if you in actual fact aren’t. You ignore the bad signals and accept the good signals.

2, Lust – This is where your desire for sex over runs your well being and you mistake that as being in love. You don’t care about anything else as long as you are constantly having sex. You are so focused on your sexual desires that even when the person is not right for you, it doesn’t matter as long as you are having sex. Even if you know that what you doing is wrong, you don’t care (as in teacher-student relationships). Your desire to have sex with each other outweighs the consequences that might follow. In some cases your well being deteriorates such that you gain a lot of weight and you don’t care as long as you are having sex with that person. You neglect your commitment to your body and livelihood.

Most people are in lust and just want to have sex all the time. They don’t have time for anything else. But unfortunately we live in a world where you can’t spend the entire day after day having sex. You have to live, you have to survive and you have to enjoy life doing other things. And you have to associate with other people.

3, Sacrificial – This is where you know someone hurts you all the time but you hope he or she will change. You sacrifice your happiness for something that isn’t there. Most people in this situation keep saying ‘he or she will change’. Even though deep down they know the person won’t change, they hope that he or she might change. They are scared to move on and be alone. With some girls they feel that if they leave the guy, they won’t find someone else. They feel no one else will love them so they hope that the guy they are with might change his behavior. And despite the mistreatment, there are also some good things that they like about the guy. Most guys who allow this to happen feel that the girl is too good for them and they are lucky enough that she’s with them despite the fact that she hurts him.

People are naturally lazy finding the person that is right for them because it involves risk. They don’t want to risk being turned down as this will make them feel unwanted.

Everybody wants to be loved and wanted but sometimes you can never know if someone loves and wants you until you get close to them and let them know how you feel about them.

People should realize that rejection is normal and not everyone will love you but also not everyone will hate you.

You can’t be with someone you know doesn’t love you just because you are scared that no one will ever love you.

The time wasted being with someone you don’t love could have been spent finding someone you love

Good things only happen to those who look for them, and not to those who wait for good things to happen to them.

Life is unfair to those who don’t play fair. If you waste your time with someone you don’t want or who doesn’t want you, then you will definitely have problems in your relationships and life.

4, Foolish love – This is where someone hurts you and you blame yourself. It follows the phrase ‘it’s my fault’. Even though the evidence is there that he is deliberately hurting you, you keep blaming yourself; ‘Maybe I don’t love him/her enough’.

If someone can’t love you for who you are and what you give them, then they won’t love you no matter how much you try to change.

Most people in this situation are those that are insecure or have low self-esteem. They don’t believe they are good enough for their partner. They feel their partner is justified to hurt them because they don’t listen to them or fulfill their need. It follows phrases like ‘I asked for it, only if I had kept quiet this wouldn’t have happened’.

It’s called foolish love because the person involved is stubborn. He/she doesn’t want to acknowledge their partner’s wrong doing. They will even go to great lengths to protect their partner’s cruelty to them. For example: a woman being beaten by her partner will cover her bruises or injuries. When asked what happened, they will probably say ‘I fell down’. If pressured they will say ‘It’s my fault’. It’s never the partner’s fault. Also the fact that their partner is sometimes good to them, makes them want their partner more because they miss the good things which the rarely get. The little attention and nice things they get, means a lot more to them than to a girl who gets these things all the time.

Thus they protect the little attention and good things they get from their partner by blaming themselves for every wrong that their partner does. That is why it’s so important that before you live with someone you should learn to live alone, because, if you can’t learn to live on your own you fall into this trap. You end up having to put up with these abuses of being in love.

Being in love is a good thing and it should stay a good thing. If it’s not good, then it’s not love and it’s time for you to move on.

Don’t put yourself in misery just for the sake of an idea. Live the idea, don’t just imagine it and pretend it’s happening when it’s not.

WHY DO PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE

WHY DO PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE

There are a number of reasons why people fall in love. Some people fall in love for the right reasons. Others do it out of lack of confidence. They do not want to be alone, which is not a good enough reason. We’ll look at the two grounds: the right reason and the wrong reason.

1. Right Reasons

Here, people fall in love because they want to offer someone something good that they have. They want to be with someone not as to depend on him or her but to share their life with them. They have something good to offer and they want something good in return. They want to spend time with someone not because they are scared to be alone but because they enjoy the other person’s company. They are not in the relationship with closed eyes but open eyes. They can see all; the good and bad happening, and they are ignoring the bad because they are scared to be alone, or because they feel embarrassed that it’s happening to them.

Being in love is about giving and receiving what is good. Please, underline the word good. Most people miss this point. A lot of people love the idea of being in love but not the actual fact. If many people understand the real reason of being in love and what being in love is, there would be less divorce, heartbreaks, suicides, violence and anything else that is related to bad breakups or bad relationships.

How can you tell someone you love him or her when you cheating on him or her. How can you tell someone that you love him or her when you can’t even stand the way him or her treats you.

How can you say that you are in love when you always fight? How can you say that you are in love when you don’t have the same goals? He wants to have children and you don’t to have children. The relationship is doomed from the start. You are only together because you don’t want to be alone. You love the idea of being in love but you are not actually living it. You can’t be in love if you are not in love.

The other reason why people fall in love is because people like to be treated nicely. They like to live in a good environment and be with people who know and understand them. In essence love does fulfill this. You can get this kind of environment from your family or friends or strangers but it is not within a time frame. It can end anytime and also family, friends and strangers won’t always have time for you. They have their own lives to live. So as much as they love you, they can’t guarantee that they will always here for you.

People also have sexual needs and thus they also want to be in an environment where that need, will be met when necessary. Thus, being in love ‘guarantees’ both of this: the niceness and the sex. Thus a person is free to do whatever he or she wants, knowing that he or she have someone who cares for their person and is ‘always’ there for him or for her physically, emotionally and sexually. This is the ultimate human desire and every human being seeks to achieve this point of their life (being in love).

Most of the time, this has been achieved through heterosexual relationships and in a few cases, which is now becoming many and common, through same sex relationships.

People in same sex relationships can equally be in love just as much as people in heterosexual relationships.

Because being in love is about assurance. Whoever gives you the assurance is the one you fall in love with. It even makes it easier if you have a lot in common.

A twenty-years old girl can fall in love with a sixty-years old man and vice versa. And it has happened in a lot of cases where people with a big age gap have fallen in love.Anyone can fall in love but not all do it for the right reasons.

2. Wrong Reasons

There are a lot of people who fall in love for the wrong reasons and because of this, they can’t be in love. Being in love is a wonderful thing and some people just like the idea of it.

But in order to be in love, you have to be in love with someone. And this is where the trouble arises. Because some people love the idea of being in love so much, they end up falling in love with the first person that is a little bit nice to them. They don’t take their time to know the person. And even if the person shows signs of hurting them in the future, they ignore the signs. They are more concerned about being with someone, than being with someone who really loves and cares about them. It takes a long time to know a really good person but it only takes a short time to know a bad person. A good person is there but you just don’t notice because you are too busy looking everywhere else other than next to you. A bad person is at a far distance, all you have to do is look up and they will come over to you. A lot of people (girls especially) are scared of being alone. Thus they always end up falling for the wrong person because their logic mind is clouded with the desire to be with someone, anybody that shows interest in them. They don’t assess the person. All they care about is that he/she doesn’t come on to strongly. They don’t care about his looks, what he does for a living, his interests and future plans. We are constantly told not to worry about these things; looks, money etc. But if you are going to commit to someone, you will have to do so knowing how, the lack of or having these things will affect your relationship in the future. Most relationships end because people change their minds. For example, they hook up with someone without money and they don’t have money either. It seems good at first with all the love and sex but you have to survive as well. And so when the times get tough, they pull out of the relationship. They can’t handle having no money and this leads to them to do more worrying and struggling than loving and enjoying life.

I should point out that there are a lot of people who have had successful relationships with only a little bit of money. Money isn’t everything to those who can live without it.

In another case, someone would go out with a fairly unattractive person because they don’t want to be alone. They ignore the unattractiveness instead of accepting it. The relationship is good at first because of all the adrenaline of being with someone new and the sex offered. Thereafter, the adrenaline goes down and they are forced to look at the person and realize that they can’t handle their unattractiveness and start looking for a way out of the relationship. Any quarrel or opportunity to meet someone else is taken as a reason to breakup.

Most relationships are not over, on the day someone says it’s over, but weeks, months or years in advance. You were just looking for the perfect time to tell someone and also the embarrassment of not being able to honor your commitment, love puts you off from telling that person until you are discovered of cheating on them, or forced to, out of anger during an argument.

People also fall in love to show off. The love the idea of being in love so much and they don'’ want to be left out. They want everyone to see that they can be loved as well.

There are the ones who normally talk about their partner and how much they love them, all the time to their friends. There is a difference between being happy and showing off. To them it’s not just a matter of I have a wonderful partner but, see what he did for me, look at us, observe closely, keep watching, listen. The whole relationship is superficial. It’s a show mostly put up for their friends and anyone in close proximity. This is a relationship that doesn’t involve planning for the future, sharing ideas, growing together. But it’s more of being together for everyone to see that you are not alone.

A lot of young girls fall into this. A lot of young guys love to show off too.

People should realize that there is nothing wrong with being single because it gives you time to make yourself a better person for your partner.

A lot of time is spent and wasted looking for the right person instead of making yourself the right person. Instead of looking for Mr. Right, be Ms. Right, and Mr. Right will find you, and vice versa.

If you want something good, you should be willing to offer something good 

We live in a world where we spend a lot of time asking ‘what can you give me?’ rather than asking ‘what will I give you?’

If you get without giving, you are most likely to lose what you ge

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1st Date Advice

"1st Date Advice"

First dates can be a stressful time for most people. This is especially true for the guy who’s been out of the dating scene for a while.

This stress comes from the common fears about not knowing what to say or do with someone you know very little about. Fears about things going badly and rejection also play a big part.

Knowing what to do is the best way to cope with this stress. Here are a some first date pointers.

1.) It’s probably not the best idea to take her to a movie. Why is that? Because you can’t do any talking which makes it impossible to find out what sort of person she is.

It’s also done too much. Doing the usual standard stuff isn’t the recipe for a fun date.

You could try an activity based date such as hiking, skiing, wine tasting, amusement park, driving range, or a softball game. Knowing something of your date’s interests helps a lot with your choice of place or activity.

After you’ve finished your activity, eating out at a nice place is a good idea. Avoid going to a super expensive or fancy place as this makes it seem as if you’re trying very hard to impress her or buy her.

2.) This is obvious to most but surprisingly there are some who need to be reminded: personal hygiene is important for a first date. A bath or shower, deodorant, shave, brushing teeth, and mouthwash. Don’t overlook this because you’re pressed for time or are nervous.

3.) Wear clean and attractive clothes. A bad first impression will make the rest of the date an uphill struggle. Of course what you’ll be doing affects your attire.

Don’t forget to leave the old shoddy shoes at home. Women have this thing about a nice pair of shoes.

4.) Think in advance about some general conversation strategies. Too many silences equate to a boring date. Start out with some small talk about current events or something you notice in your immediate environment that’s interesting or unusual.

Once she’s relaxed, you might change the conversation to getting to know one another. Ask open ended questions and listen very carefully for any points that you have in common.

Conversation is a give and take thing. Talk to much about yourself and you’re a bore. Ask too many questions and you become an interrogator.

5.) If you’re using your car to pick up your date, make sure it’s in good condition. Don’t get stuck on a road at night in a broken down car. Also be sure that your car is cleaned out and has no lingering odors. There’s no better way to turn off your date than to make her sit in a dirty and cluttered car.

6.) Don’t overlook bringing enough money or credit on your first date. Although some women will offer to pay, it’s still customary for the man to pick up the tab. Bring enough to allow some flexibility about where you go or eat.

7.) Being relaxed is the key to making your date comfortable, having a good time, and connecting with her. Excessive nervousness makes you appear as lacking confidence which is a turn off. Don’t place any big expectations on the outcome of your date. You’re out to have fun with an interesting perso