How To Start A Conversation With A Girl – Part 2

"How To Start A Conversation With A Girl – Part 2"

Continued from part 1.

Second Stage – Zeroing in on some commonality through testing, exploration, trial and error, and keen observation. In other words, you’ll be fishing around for something in common. When she’s talking, pay close attention and listen very carefully to what she says and how she says it.

Listen, watch, and note the body language. You’re looking for a common topic that you’ll both find interesting. If her emotion picks up or she talks a great deal about something, then you’ll know that she has an interest or is passionate about the topic.

Try disclosing something about yourself and look for any indication of interest. Watch to see which of your words cause her eyes to light up. Your discussion topic may not interest her but it may touch on topics that do.

For instance, you may be talking about whale watching in Alaska and notice that she doesn’t seem to care about whales or Alaska. But you do notice that her eyes lit up at the mention of the ocean cruise ship that you took to get there. This is your cue to forget the Alaskan whales and to talk about ocean cruise ship vacations in general.

You need to be flexible and allow the conversation to go in whatever direction her words and reactions take it. Remember, you’re fishing for common interests, so don’t fixate on one topic.

Third Stage – Making a connection at a deep level. If you make it this far, you’ve just earned her real phone number or (as the case may be) a second date with her. At this point you are going deeper into the interests and passions that you both want to talk about.

You will want to home in on values and beliefs. On your sense of who you are and her sense of who she is. What things matter the most? You can even ask her “What do you feel is most important about such and such?”

Your first conversation with a stranger is something that you should take charge of. It doesn’t have to be hit or miss. You shouldn’t leave it to chance or to the other person that something will take hold and develop.

Be careful to keep the conversation a 50-50 exchange. Always be aware of the give and take process of a conversation. Give too much and you’re dominating the conversation and the other person feels they can’t get a word in at all. You become a bore.

Take too much and the conversation becomes an interrogation. You’ll also come across as being secretive, as someone who doesn’t want to talk about himself.

How To Start A Conversation With A Girl – Part 1

"How To Start A Conversation With A Girl – Part 1"

The gift of gab is not a gift. It’s a skill. Like other skills such as playing the guitar or driving a car, it can be learned. A big reason why many guys find dating and meeting women difficult is the whole conversation thing.

What do you say exactly? How do you start it in a way that seems relaxed and natural? How do you keep it going? And most important, how do you connect with this beautiful girl you’ve just met?

Knowing how to converse with anyone whether male or female is indispensable today. It’s usefulness isn’t limited to meeting women.

There’s things like job interviews, enjoying yourself at social gatherings, making friends, fitting in at work, getting new clients, etc., etc. The list is endless.

What I’m going to present here is a kind of formula that can be used to start the conversation, then learn more about the other person, and then establish a connection. Unlike some of the other posts here, this formula doesn’t require humor or playfulness or flirtation. It’s a basic bread and butter technique at making the other person comfortable and creating relaxed and flowing conversation.

Using this technique isn’t going to set you up as a clever and witty conversationalist. But it can open many doors.

When talking with a stranger, your conversation will naturally progress through three stages.

First Stage – Getting the conversation started with superficial small talk. When I was much younger, I used to wonder why so many people delighted in talking about superficial little nothing topics. Back then I didn’t realize that unless you can read minds, you haven’t the faintest idea what a total stranger is interested in.

Taking the direct approach and asking, “Hey there, what are your interests?” is intrusive. Hence the need for small talk. It’s what gets things going when you know absolutely nothing about a person.

Small talk touches on those everyday small things that everyone experiences and can relate to. It can also include popular items that most people would know about. If almost everyone experiences it or knows about it, then it’s small talk.

So when you’re thinking about your first date with a girl you hardly know and you’re asking yourself “what will I talk about?” The answer is small talk. You will want to keep it simple at first to get the other person involved.

Talking about the weather is a classic. Saying “nice day!” is too generic and boring. But if the weather is unusual or extreme in some way, then it’s perfect.

Small talk can also be related to the situation you’re in. As with talking about the weather, it helps if the situation is unusual or interesting. But even an extremely boring situation can be the subject of some great humor. It helps to be observant about things and people.

Here’s a good small talk exercise that doesn’t involve talking to anyone at all: Go for a walk in a place that’s full of people and do some people watching. Look at what a person is wearing, carrying, and also observe her immediate environment. From what you see, can you deduce anything about the person? Is there something you can make a comment about if you were initiating some small talk? Anything on her person that you’re knowledgeable about?

With enough repetition of this little exercise, making observations will become easy and automatic. A little creativityhere and there can be helpful. For instance, your small talk can combine more than one observation.

If you were in the park on a very hot day and you notice a woman with a Siberian husky panting from the heat, you can express sympathy for the dog. You can suggest that you know of a pond (that you observed earlier) that the husky can cool off in. And so on.

Continued in part 2…