First Date Conversations – How To Keep It Flowing

"First Date Conversations – How To Keep It Flowing"



A lot of people are shy about meeting new people. Add to this the normal discomfort that people feel on their first dates and it’s easy to see why keeping the conversation flowing on your first date can be a real challenge. Here’s a few pointers to help with this:

1.) Focus and remember. At the beginning when she’s talking about some general things about herself such as her interests, likes, dislikes, etc, you need to focus on and remember anything said that was unusual or that she had strong feelings about.

Also remember anything that you are genuinely curious about. These bits of information will give you topics that you can ask her to expound upon. You can say “How do you feel about that?” or “what’s the story behind that?”

Her replies to your questions will give you still more information that can be used to extend the conversation further. You should have quickly built up a list of topics that you can bring up at a later time should conversation stall out. If an awkward silence occurs you can quickly say “earlier you mentioned this, how did that happen?”. You don’t want to base 100% of your conversation on this technique because you will seem like an interrogator. Where ever appropriate, you should relate to what she’s said with your own experiences.

2.) Ask open ended questions. The way in which you ask questions is important in establishing effective communication. Effective questions open up the door to understanding who she really is. The art of questioning has to do with knowing which questions to ask when.

I personally like “how” and “why” questions since these get long answers full of personal detail that allow me form a good picture of what she’s about. The more I know about her, the better I can relate to her. She will feel that you’re interested in what she has to say which will encourage her to develop her answers more. Most people find it easiest to talk about themselves.

3.) Listen and listen some more. Try to avoid being the typical man by not losing interest and not steering the conversation back to your favorite topics. Let her talk about her favorite subjects whether they’re about her family, feelings, relationships, friends, or her work. Also be careful about not getting into debates. Allow her to have her own points of view even if they’re different from your own. There’s no need to try to bring her over to your way of seeing things. Allowing her to have her own points of view doesn’t mean that you’re abandoning your own.

4.) Be aware that men and women like to talk about different sorts of things. Men like to talk about things and facts such as cars, engine specs, sports teams and stats, stock figures etc. Women are different. They love talking about feelings and emotions. How a special meal got them all giddy with ecstasy, how their shopping expeditions drain away their deepest problems, how their favorite dress takes them to seventh heaven. Try to avoid fact and thing based talk. Pick topics that are emotionally charged and ask her how she relates to them.

Advice For The Shy Introvert – Interacting With Women

"Advice For The Shy Introvert – Interacting With Women"

I hope that the last post has convinced you that you don’t need a personality transplant to attract women. Taking the simplest route is best for solving most problems.

That means being true to yourself while honing your confidence and social skills. Your life experiences have made you who you are right now. It’s far easier to work the confidence and social skills than to erase your identity and start over from scratch.

Here are more suggestions at how to beat your shyness and comfortably interact with women:

1.) Learn how to externalize your focus away from your yourself and on to the situation at hand.
Anytime you’re talking with a person whether a store keeper, bank teller, your sister, or anyone at all, practice on focusing 100% on what they’re talking about.

Don’t be planning ahead about what you’re going to say, because that’s self directed focus. Instead, just follow along with what’s being said and if you find you have nothing to add, don’t worry about it for now. The exercise is to habituate you to externalizing your focus to what’s being said when another person speaks.

When you’re feeling up to it, try going to a social event with the idea of doing nothing but listening to what others are saying. Since you’re not trying to impress anyone (just yet), there’s no pressure on you to perform. Go up to the group that seems to be having the most fun and listen in to what’s being said.

If you find yourself laughing at some point, then you’ve succeeded at externalizing your focus away from yourself. Try to lose yourself in whatever is being discussed. This is the first step to relating to people.

Notice that when you’re focused on yourself, the words of other people are nothing but words. When you have externalized your focus, other people’s words become experiences that you experience vicariously.

2.) Don’t place women on a pedestal.
They are just people with female sex organs. They have as many flaws and imperfections as the other half of the human race. If you have any sisters, then you know exactly what I mean.

By seeing them as having the qualities of the average person, talking to them will be much easier. And besides, if you see them as being too good for you, they will sense this from your behavior and that will kill any attraction.

3.) Don’t see women as sex objects.
I understand that this can be hard to do sometimes, but seeing someone as an object makes it impossible to relate to them. An object is an object, whether it’s a chair, desk, hammer, or centerfold pin-up. Sane people don’t relate to objects, they relate to people.

Perhaps you might practice your social skills on someone who won’t distract you with their stunning beauty. Then move on to more attractive women.

Improve Your Looks By At Least Two Points

"Improve Your Looks By At Least Two Points"

Believe it or not, you don’t have to have the good looks of a movie star to get women. Women are turned on more by masculine traits and personality rather than just looks alone. But this doesn’t mean you that you can let your appearance go. Maybe I am stating the obvious here, but there are guys out there who are clueless about looking after their personal appearance. I happen to know a few.

Here are a few suggestions that will improve you appearance:

1.) The basics. Body stench isn’t sexy. Bathe everyday because you never know when you might meet that special someone. A bath isn’t enough, use deodorants and aftershaves. Wear a good-quality cologne, but avoid using too much. Overpowering her with cologne won’t work.

Always keep your clothing clean. It’s not enough that it looks clean, it has to be frequently washed. The reason is that unwashed clothing smells bad from bacterial action on body oils trapped within the fabric. Since you’re wearing the clothing all of the time, you won’t be aware of the smell. Others are. Trust me.

2.) If you’ve got muscles, a hairless body will show a lot more definition. It’s no accident that body builders shave their hair off their bodies when they do their competitions.

3.) Keep the nose and ear hair under control.

4.) Stay physically fit. This will improve your appearance, your posture, your complexion and will increase your self esteem. Athletes have a more confident looking stride.

5.) If your skin looks gray and tired, you should eat a balanced diet, take vitamins, and drink at least two liters of water a day.

6.) If you’re going for the clean shaven look, then shave every day. Have a beard? Keep it well trimmed. A 5 o’clock shadow should be consistent. If it’s uneven and scraggly, then give it up and shave it off.

7.) Keep your hair clean and dandruff free. Go to a good hair stylist and ask what type of style looks best for you. Follow their advice on maintenance. This one change alone will have a dramatic effect on your appearance.

8.) Good clothing is important. Always wear clothing that’s appropriate for the occasion. Have a wardrobe of stylish clothing. Style is more important than quantity and a good fit is a must. Don’t forget the shoes. Women have a thing about stylish shoes.

9.) Even your glasses is a chance to show your style. If nothing looks good on you, then go with contacts.

10.) A smile makes you more attractive looking. And women are turned on by a confident smile. Having clean healthy teeth will also go a long way in improving your smile.

How To Tell If A Girl Wants To Be Kissed

"How To Tell If A Girl Wants To Be Kissed"

The first kiss can be an big stumbling block for a lot of men. If you’re on a date, it’s expected. On the other hand the lady that you’re dating has never been kissed by you before.

How will she react? Will she pull away? Maybe she’ll think that you’re coming on too strong and you’ll scare her away. These and other similar thoughts are very common.

Some guys will opt for not dealing with the issue at all and won’t make any attempt. Others will ask for permission. Both are mistakes for two reasons:

1.) You’re hurting yourself because you’re telling her that you lack backbone. This is a big turn off for many women.

2.) You’re hurting her because you’re depriving her of her big romantic moment. This is when the strong confident man takes charge and sweeps her off her feet. The confident man doesn’t ask for permission, he takes control.

If you’ve ever peaked inside of those romantic novels that some women read, the first kiss is a really big deal. Romantic novels are popular with women for good reason.

Anticipation, tension, the back and forth progression toward the inevitable act that changes two strangers into…lovers. This is the stuff of female fantasy. If she’s into you, this is what she wants you to do. She wants you to take her and kiss her.

Note the key phrase: ‘if she’s into you’. If she detests you or if there’s just no chemistry, then kissing her is a mistake. So, how do you know if she wants to be kissed?

You should be looking for signs of attraction. These are revealed through conscious and subconscious signals. Look for these signs:

1.) Physical contact.
She initiates physical contact with you ‘accidentally’. This is a very strong indicator of interest. Some examples:
- Her hand brushes across your arm or hand.
- Her fingers slide across your hand when you hand something to her.
- Her nails rake across your palm when handing something to her.
- She finds an excuse to grasp your hand such as reading your palm.
- She stumbles and holds on to you for support.

2.) Eye contact.
-She locks eyes with you.
-You catch her stealing glances at you. She may hold eye contact or quickly look away when she knows she’s been caught.
-She explores your face with her eyes and spends time looking at your lips.
-Her pupils are dilated.

3.) Physical proximity.
She leans in close. Perhaps she does this when she asks you to check something on her menu. When you’re walking together, she walks well inside of your personal space.

4.) She plays with her hair.

5.) She may adjust your collar. This is a very strong sign. When she does this, she’s taking possession of you.

6.) When you’re making your move to kiss her, she may lick or part her lips and her breathing deepen.

If you’re getting signs from her but want to be even more certain, then you can start the kiss with some preliminaries. These would be softly touching her hair or taking her hand in yours and intently gazing into her eyes and on her lips. If she doesn’t pull away then she’s ready.

How to Attract a Girls Part2

"How to Attract a Girls Part2"


Continued from part 1.

External changes involve your degree of physical attractiveness. The clothes you wear have a strong effect on the impression that you make on other people. This is especially true with the impression that you make with a woman.

Another part of physical attractiveness is conveying the impression of being healthy and fit. Depending on your particular situation, this may involve a diet or a workout program. But other elements including your clothes, your posture, and how you move across a room also factor into this.

Now I haven’t mentioned ‘good looks’ or being very handsome for two reasons. First, it isn’t something that you can change (short of plastic surgery). Second, being attractive to women has more to do with “maleness” or being a man. So having a pretty face can help but it’s not needed.

As you well know, men are instinctually attracted to women who are masters of the art of projecting “femaleness”. Their sexiness is more than body proportions alone. It’s their clothing, how they walk, their behavior. It’s curves and softness. All of this adds up to femaleness and the more “female” they are, the more irresistible they are to men.

So it shouldn’t come as a surprise, that the same principle applies to what women find attractive in a man. The greater your mastery of projecting “maleness”, the more attractive you will be to women. So many guys fail to grasp this one simple fact. Women want men. Not boys or guys with feminine attributes.

Guys with feminine attributes, and I mean behavioral, will only succeed at becoming a friend. Men can be nice to women but it’s all in how you do it. This sounds a bit corny, but it is all about being a man. Looking and acting the part. Or I should say it’s looking and being the part.

Men are supposed to be confident, strong, and independent. They are decisive and take action. They’re supposed to know what to do. They make things happen. They are powerful.

These are the qualities that women instinctually respond to. This is what causes the primitive animal attraction or chemistry within a woman. Evolution has wired this into them.

How To Attract a Girls Part1

   "How to Attract a Girls Part 1"

If you’re having trouble meeting women, is it possible to land girlfriends without having to make any changes to what you’re doing now? The short answer is probably not. Our lives pretty much continue going the way it always has unless we make a focused effort to change it. So it all starts with personal change. Depending on the individual, some will have to make more changes than others.

These changes will be internal and external. Some of the internal ones will have to do with overcoming fear. Fear of trying out new things. Fear of going out more often to unfamiliar places. And of coarse, the big one: the fear of rejection.

Fear is your greatest enemy because it subverts your efforts at improving your life. It’s only use is in keeping you away from life threatening situations or in preventing to you from actions that cause the loss of your income or the other assets that you have. Rejection by a woman will cause none of these things. No one has ever been maimed or killed by rejection. You won’t even lose your job or home.

Any pain that you feel is caused by you. There’s no need to feel humiliation or to feel like a failure. Small kids learn how to ski more quickly than many adults do. This is because they aren’t burdened by humiliation whenever they fall down. They just pick themselves up and keep going. They’re also having a hell of a good time. There’s no reason why you can’t think of meeting new women as an exciting new adventure.

Fear isn’t your only enemy. There is also something called personal inertia. Personal inertia is the collection of habits and routines that get you through each day. It allows you to efficiently do the daily tasks that must get done. With personal inertia you can float through each day without feeling stress.

It’s very easy to just do what we’ve always been doing. There’s no fuss and no stress. But if business as usual isn’t landing you dates with new women, then your personal inertia is leading you nowhere. You must change. Change is stressful but this kind of stress will make you stronger.

Other internal changes have to do with understanding. It’s important to understand sexual attraction from the female point of view. The truth about this may surprise you. Women often know within minutes, whether or not they will want to date someone they’ve just met.

The external changes that you’ll make are covered in part 2.

Datings Tips 2

 "Dating Tips 2"

Searching for a Partner in Your Social Circle.

Not every workplace is a very social environment, and many people long for a person with whom they share more of their private life. Besides, you also avoid the pitfalls of an on-the-job romance when you look to your social surroundings. After a breakup, many friendships fall apart, and your need for outside contacts drops off at first. In that case, the following principle for simplification goes especially for you: don't sit around and suffer -- do something; be active, not passive.

"Bar acquaintances - no, thank you. Dance clubs and trendy bars, the classic meeting places for people looking for a new partner, are the least suited to finding serious potential partners (and in the long term, it can get downright expensive). With the loud music, you can hardly have a conversation, and your possibilities have been preselected: you'll find few nonsmokers in a bar, as well as few early risers or health nuts." 

"Vacation romance - better not. It may sound cruel for us to discourage this. But the chances of meeting your life's partner on the beach or at the breakfast buffet at the hotel are slim. In these places, you meet people in that special vacation mood. Far away from home, the temptation to not be yourself is great. At a spa or under the tropical sun, good husbands suddenly become love-hungry singles and respectable wives discover their lust for adventure. On the other hand, there are no laws in love, only probabilities." 

"Everyday encounters - yes, please. It will serve you better to attend events you are interested in. Look around in community colleges, sports clubs, or church groups, where the desperate search for a partner isn't your main focus and the chances for making real contacts isn't so bad. Choose courses or programmes that don't take years to complete, so you can get to know a variety of people. Larger events where the participants belong to similar occupational or private areas are also very good, such as trade shows, openings and conferences." 

"Think against the grain. Attend gatherings where your gender is underrepresented: men in self-discovery groups, women in sports clubs and so on. Rediscover the other gender in yourself; put yourself on the 'other side'. If you are a man who can read a women's magazine, or a woman who can read a car magazine, without thinking everything in it is dumb, you have a giant advantage over your fellow partner-seekers!" 

"Use the official trick. An official function or position helps overcome shyness. Help out for a while serving refreshments at a large festival or greeting new arrivals with a name tag on your shirt. This makes it easier to meet people. Make sure that you're not trapped in your job the entire time, though. Once your shift is over, you have the ideal starting point for a conversation (eg, "you had such a nice laugh when I was pouring you that beer just now…"). Especially effective here is a uniform (that was always Grandpa's trick!)." 

"Find a wardrobe adviser. What should you wear? What looks the best on you? Women often misjudge what men find attractive about them and vice versa. Find people to advice you, but not only from your own gender. You will be amazed what the other side recommends! Use this seemingly paradoxical idea from behavioral therapy: nothing helps combat shyness so much as an eye-catching outfit." 

"Pay attention to your appearance. Another useful insight from behavioral psychology: stand up straight, make yourself tall (for women, high heels can help), hold your head turned slightly up and always breathe consciously and deeply. This way, your body sends a positive signal to your brain: "I am somebody." That has an immediate effect on your surroundings."

Simplifying Tip: If you are shy or nervous, you come off as much more serious than you think. But if you have to force yourself to seem cheerful, things can also go awry. So give others a friendly smile, as if you've already known and liked them a long time. Imagine that you've already had a pleasant and intimate conversation with the person you want to talk to. This way, you achieve exactly the right friendly, relaxed facial expression that makes conversation easier for both of you.